Waffles, Spaghetti & the Anti-Christ!

*Please note - the thoughts below are not nor were they intended to be theologically sound. Neither my theology professors nor my brother will be pleased but hopefully they will be mildly amused!*

I read a book once called Men are like Waffles & Women are like Spaghetti.  The premise of the book was pretty simple.  It's basically Mars & Venus meets the grocery store.  Men, the book said, are like waffles in that they compartmentalize everything.  Women are like spaghetti.  All of our thoughts touch and connect to all of our other thoughts.  Basically it is very easy for us to live in a stream of consciousness.  I wish I could say that it wasn't true. That my thoughts are not only logical but completely focused.  I almost had myself convinced that this *might* be true... when I found myself wondering this week WHO was going to give birth to the Anti-Christ. 


Strange question, I know (especially this time of the year) but can you honestly say you have NEVER wondered?! Even odder than the question, is the thought process that lead there.  You see... what had happened was... I had a crazy week complete with atypical migraines.  Atypical in that sometimes I had a headache and sometimes I had other migraine like symptoms.  The most severe - nausea.  I felt so sick every day this week at precisely 11 am that I honestly thought if I didn't know better... I would think I was pregnant.  Since I am certain that there was only one immaculate conception and virgin birth planned (and yes I still have my V-card.... I was upgraded to a platinum membership a few years ago) I knew that wasn't the case UNLESS I was about to give birth to the Anti-Christ... which got me thinking... who would his mother be?  Did she make a pact with the devil? Did she know that the child she carried and raised would rule the world and usher in the Apocalypse?   I suddenly had a very strange version of "Mary, did you know?" running through my mind... all because I had an migraine!

The Message of the Man Boobs!

I learned a really valuable lesson a few weeks ago from a very unusual source... a pair of man boobs!


I was sitting in my office, minding my own business (or so it would seem) when I glanced out the window and saw a guy walking down the street. I can't remember what I noticed first:  his thick legs, slightly chunky hiney or... his man boobs.  He wasn't large and in charge but he was definitely ... thick!    I see men of all shapes and sizes on a daily basis.  Very few cause me to take a double look... but this guy... had my attention because even with the butt and the boobs... he had swag!  I sat and watched him walk down the street with complete confidence and found myself drawn to him because of it!   His confidence overrode all of the perceived flaws that I had a noticed at first.  The truth is that I only saw them for a second.  The confidence was attractive... alluring even.  Truth be told, I even thought about giving his little man boob a squeeze (thankfully as has been stated, I was in my office and he was on the street eliminating my need for impulse control!)


For years I have read the articles, talked to girlfriends and even had guy friends tell me that confidence is one of the most attractive qualities an individual can possess but it wasn't until I saw the man boobs with swag that I understood it! 


It really is all about loving yourself, accepting yourself and being confident in every part of who you are! Confidence is the magic ingredient that makes the ordinary... extraordinary! (Even a pair of man boobs!)

The Adventures of an Internet Dater...

Eharmony, Match.com, Christian Cafe & now Christian Mingle...


I have tried (and my mother has paid) for all of the above!  Where others come away with great dates, engagement rings and wedding plans...


I come away with my head shaking in disbelief.


What kind of men do I meet you might ask...


Well, there was the White Supremicist, the midget from Sacachawan, the unemployed guy who lived with his grandmother and... drum roll please... the GOOSE from Charlotte's Web.  (Do you remember-ember-ember her?)


I'm not sure the adventure is always worth the trip!

We Believe!

Intriguing, captivating, magical... that is what life should be!  And... it is why I love movies like Bednobs and Broomsticks and The Chronicles of Narnia.  There really ought to be special places and privileges for the very clever among us!  Those who have the eyes to see, ears to hear and creativity to imagine that there really is more than meets the eye in life...  I like to think I am one such person! 


Years ago I inherited a mug... a simple white mug from a roommate.  On the front is the outline of a bride and the simple words, "We believe".  This is IT! I thought when I first saw the mug!  I will drink from this cup and believe... and believe I did! Every saturday morning, I would pour a luxurious cup of coffee and sit in the quiet of the morning... Believing!  


About a year later (still single, of course), I inherited two things that I thought might be key to transporting me into the magical world of marriage... my first big girl bed (and by that I mean I graduated from a twin size bed to a full size bed at the age of... 31) and my grandmother's engagement ring!  


I donned the ring, filled the mug and sat on the bed... and waited for my husband to appear... Nothing happened...  and now I think I know why... the final piece of the puzzle has recently emerged... what was missing you ask... the scent of pumpkin pie!  Apparently men are 40% more attracted and aroused when they smell pumpkin pie than when they do not smell pumpkin pie!


So now I sit... on the bed, with the ring, the mug and my pumpkin scented candle... just waiting for my husband to emerge!


Believing!

A Single Girls Guide to Car Maintenance!

You know... I wasn't around in the 60's and even if I was, I am pretty sure I would NOT have burned my bra! The truth is that I love the way it supports, lifts and enhances my life!  I also LOVE traditional gender rolls...

Men if you are reading - I will wash the clothes, cook the meals and care for the children (except when they are vomiting). In return, please be prepared to open my door,  take out the trash, shovel the snow, mow the lawn... and CARE for the CAR!!!!

Seriously! WHAT is a single girl supposed to do when... The blinkers stop working. The windshield wipers wear out. The tires get run down. The transmission starts to go. The wheel bearings (what the heck is a wheel bearing) have issues.  The tail lights get cracked. The exhaust starts to leak. The list could go on and on! 

Feeling a little anxious and overwhelmed? 

A Single Girls Guide to Car Maintenance is all you need!  Four simple steps to complete automotive peace of mind!

1) Make sure you have GAP insurance.

2) Wait for a large hurricane, tropical storm, or even a slight breeze (who knows you might get lucky).

3) Park car under large precarious looking tree!

4) Buy a NEW CAR!



*Sadly, this is NOT my vehicle. 

Apparently I am waiting for the tree that will topple with a slight breeze :(

One man (or woman)'s tragedy is an other's triumph!

Living the Gospel (according to Sara)

Nature Boy! That is what we called him - "Him" being the naked anatomically correct statue situated on the main road that lead in and out of the City Centre in Cork.  Cork, Ireland that is.  I lived there for two glorious years on said road just a stones through from Nature Boy! 


Truth be told, I was little... embarrassed by Nature Boy.  He stood tall and erect (meaning he stood UP RIGHT and nothing else!), his bronze arms outstretched to the sky.  It seemed as though he was communing with nature in his... ummmmm... natural state - thus the name- Nature Boy!


It was virtually impossible to go anywhere without catching a glimpse of my bronze friend.  After almost two years, I had enough!  Did the Irish government have no shame?!  A large naked statue on the side of the road!?  Really! One would NEVER find such a thing in the States... but never fear!  The GREAT American was here (or technically there). 


I decided it was my duty!  Nay! It was my obligation to protect the innocent eyes of the Irish youth!  I did what any self respecting American would do!  I went to the store, bought the biggest pair of boxer briefs available and a roll of duck tap! 


Dressed in black, under the cover of night, complete with two or three unassuming minors and an accomplice driving the get-away car, I cut the crotch out of the underwear and then cut straight down the back, creating a reverse diaper.  We wrapped and ducked taped said diaper around the statue and VOILA!  No more naked Naked Nature Boy! 

"... for I was naked and you clothed me" ~ Jesus

So many stories...

... so little time... and not to mention at the moment 0 followers!



So dear Blogspot... it's you and I on this random journey. I wish I could promise some chronology or even some rhyme, reason or logic to the things I'll share but let's face it, anyone who knows me knows there is NO rhyme, reason or logic within me.  My brother tells me that I live in the magical world of Saraland where all things are possible and NOTHNG is real. Just like the title of my blog, I like to think it's all part of my charm! 


Stay tuned... for some of the charming (and not so charming) tales from my life!