The Most Amazing Nightmare!

My first car… was the most amazing nightmare of my life! 

It was the summer before my 18^th birthday when I heard the words that EVERY teenager longs to hear – “We have this old car… and we NEVER use it. Do you want it?” 

A car? For me? For FREE! AHHH- MAZING!!!

“There is just one catch…” (slamming on mental brakes!) “It’s a stick.”  NIGHTMARE!

Oh how I loved that car!  Oh how I hated that clutch!

I don’t know that I have ever prayed more in life than I did that first summer!  I prayed the entire way to and from work that all of the lights would be green!  I laid hands on the hood off the car (often) after driving around with the emergency brake on.  I prayed each night that the God of Heaven and Earth who parted the Red Sea, turned water to wine and raised Himself from the dead would change my car from a manual transmission to an automatic – because I KNEW that He could! (Side note – He never did.)

My little car (a two door Chevy Sprint) had a broken air conditioner, a leaky sun roof and the inability to go over 55 mph without shaking uncontrollably! 

Looking back that little nightmare was THE BEST!  $12 filled the tank and I could drive FOREVER even on the fumes.  Those wheels gave me freedom to come and go as I pleased. My college roomie and I were often off to the mall or the movies or a ride around town… all in my little sprint!

But all the while I was driving my amazing little car, I was always thinking about the day… the day I would have a new car… that wasn’t a stick, with AC that worked and sunroof that didn’t leak… I was always looking ahead…

Now as I look back THAT little car was my favorite car… EVER!!!!

As I thought about this today… I couldn’t help but wonder… if my “single years” are not unlike my years with the sprint!  Always looking ahead… always dreaming and thinking and planning for what is to come without fully enjoying where I am right now!

So I decided!  It’s time to look around and enjoy the moment!  Enjoy sleeping late, stretched across the WHOLE bed with all of the blankets! Enjoy the occasional bowl of ice cream for dinner (and by bowl I mean spoon into carton) because no one else is depending on me!  Enjoy my chick flicks and girlie shows… and truly enjoy the time that I am able to spend and invest in God’s presence without interruption!

It is time to enjoy!

Where ARE the camera men?

I know that I have said it before but… I think I’m pretty funny and truth be told I *wish* I could earn a living with my humor alone! 

All of this 9-5 (& that morning 9 am hour DOES include my commute and morning trip to Starbucks, right?), sitting at a desk and being nice to clients ALL DAY is… a lot of work!  It does NOT come naturally for me!  What does come naturally is sleeping late, drinking lattes (green tea are my current favorite) and being funny!  Those three things are effortless!  Doesn’t this modern era that we live in tell us to work with our strengths?  Well, those are mine. 

Now please don’t think you are being original and clever if you are shrieking at your computer – stand-up comedy, you should do stand-up comedy!  Because well… this isn’t Comcast on Demand. I can’t just produce the funniness.  The majority of it is situational. It is a result of what life throws at me… and what I throw back.  We have a great little volley going on… life and I! 

What I really need is a camera to follow me around, capture my life and edit it down to 30 minutes a week. Honestly, I would watch me! 

Who else do you know who has…

·         Spit gum out their car window doing 85 mph down the highway only to have it land on the windshield of a cop car! (Got pulled over for the gum but not the speeding – no ticket acquired!)

·         Called out of work… fat… It was just one of those days… when my jeans didn’t fit. So I did what any self-respecting girl would do! I threw them across the room and curled up with a book! (Books always fit!)

·         Driven through an electric fence and into a herd of cows or…

·         Put a pair of boxer briefs on an otherwise naked and anatomically correct statue (see previous post- Nature Boy)

It could be good times… this sitcom of mine… and it would all be… Part of My Charm!

What's in YOUR trunk?

I was recently made aware that men like a woman… with a clean car!  I am not quite sure why.   I thought my messy car spoke of my vulnerability and need to be cared for.  Apparently, it just says that I’m not only lazy but messy to boot! 

 In an effort to truly be #wifematerial, I headed straight to the car wash and got that puppy washed and vacuumed. My next stop was the local gas station for an oil change and tire fill. What good was a clean car if the head gasket was blown (yes, did that once) and the tires were flat?!?!? 

I felt QUITE PROUD as I drove my shiny, freshly oiled car with the full tires home!  I made sure to glance at other drivers as I passed, certain that one of them would be cute, single and impressed by my automotive care! 

As I drove…  I remembered… my trunk!  It was like a big fat pin had just popped my shiny red balloon!  What if Mr. Wow-I-Think-You-Are-So-Hot-Because-Of-The-Way-You-Care-For-Car looked in my trunk?!?!? 

I did a quick mental inventory of the contents – sleeping bag, 2 blazers, a winter coat, a spring jacket, books, board games, a frying pan (that says I kiss better than I cook), p90x, a few cans of soup, some mugs and a fondue pot.  How would I explain THIS away… My mind began to dart quickly between the items listed above and like a good game of connect the dots I knew… that the contents of my trunk made me more desirable than ever! 

Come natural disaster, famine, the zombie apocalypse, or a simple breakdown, I could survive on the contents of my trunk!  I could stay warm, create shelter, fry soup, read a book, and change my clothes.  My car was not just a mode of transportation, it was a survival kit!

I am #wifematerial!